Daley Ponderings

NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo,
the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics," as a second
language. "This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics
Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics.

"No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics
backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data
we need to interface with all units of humanity."  Controversial and widely misunderstood, the Geekonics
movement was spawned in California's Silicon Valley, where many children have grown up in households headed by
computer technicians, programmers, engineers and scientists who have lost the ability to speak plain English
and have inadvertently passed on their high-tech vernacular to their children.

While schools will not teach the language, increased teacher awareness of Geekonics, proponents say, will help
children make the transition to standard English. Those students, in turn, could possibly help their parents
learn to speak in a manner that would lead listeners to believe they have actual blood coursing through their
veins.  "Bit by bit, byte by byte, with the proper system development, with non-preemptive multitasking, I see
no reason we can't download the data we need to modulate our oral output," Macintosh said.

The designation of Geekonics as a language reflects a growing awareness of our nation's lingual diversity,
experts say.  Other groups pushing for their own languages and/or vernaculars to be declared official viewed
the Geekonics vote as a step in the right direction.

"This is just, like, OK, you know, the most totally kewl thing, like, ever," said Jennifer Heather
Notat-Albright, chairwoman of the Committee for the Advancement of Valleyonics, headquartered in Southern
California. "I mean, like, you know?" she added.

They're happy in Dixie. "Yeee-hah," said Buford "Kudzu" Davis, president of the Dixionics Coalition. "Y'all
gotta know I'm as happy as a tick on a sleeping bloodhound about this." Spokesmen for several subchapters of
Dixionics -- including Alabonics, Tennesonics and Louisionics -- also said they approved of the decision.

Bill Flack, public information officer for the Blue Ribbon Task Force on Bureaucratonics said that organization
would not comment on the San Jose vote until it convened a summit meeting, studied the impact, assessed the
feasibility, finalized a report and drafted a comprehensive action plan, which, once it clears the appropriate
subcommittees and is voted on, will be made public to those who submit the proper information-request forms.

Those involved in the lingual-diversity movement believe that only by enacting many different English
languages, in addition to all the foreign ones practiced here, can we all end up happily speaking the same
boring one, becoming a nation that is both unified in its diversity, and diversified in its unity. Others say
that makes no sense at all. In any language.

Source: Jack Ganssle