Daley Ponderings

I typed up my memorial service reflection for a presentation we did at our church recently.  I don't think it has been typed up before, so I thought I'd post it now.  (Am I allowed to be amazed at myself?)

Heather's memorial reflection, March 16, 2003

Isaac Christopher Daley - a blessing for nine months and two days

This reflection is going to focus on the blessings God has brought to our lives through Isaac.

I'll start by reading my diary entry written one year ago today - March 16,2002.  That was the day we confirmed my suspicions that there was a new life growing in me.  That new life was Isaac.

"It is the miracle of life!  God has opened my womb and breathed a new creation! It is a miracle - God created a whole new soul and has placed it in me for safekeeping. May I be worthy.  I am so excited about being pregnant, but I do not want to lose sight of God.  I am trying and praying for the right focus.  It does help to be utterly amazed by the reality of a new person, a new creation - that really, Jon and I had only a small part in making.  God is the one who chooses to bring life.  God is the one who knows the perfect timing.  I think that I might not have been in awe as much if we had gotten pregnant earlier, and so I am very thankful for God's timing.  Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!!!!"

I cannot express the awe of watching the miracle unfold.  I had always been pro-life, but this first-hand experience showed me why.  This person was not *my* choice, though I desired him; he was *God's* choice.

We had prayed to receive this baby, and God had granted him to us, in His own good time.  We prayed for his health, his growth, his birth.  We talked to him and sang to him and poked him; and felt him poke us back.  We listened to his heartbeat. Everything was amazing!

He was a joy to us all along.  When I was tempted to complain about being big, tired, slow, etc., God quickly brought to mind that this was a blessing worth rejoicing over, and the little pains are all worth it.

As Isaac grew, so did we, and not just in the tummy department! We grew in patience and selflessness.  I was not only feeding and caring for myself, but also for another, totally dependent person.  Jon's patience was tried by my slower-moving thoughts, and he grew in graciousness to me.

Birth is amazing, too.  God blessed me with a husband who attended to me faithfully, and He gave me the strength to persevere through a very hard labor.

The blessings did not stop just because Isaac was sick and in the hospital.  On the contrary, God kept pouring.  The body of Christ came to support us in every way, from near and far.

God allowed us to be with precious Isaac for two days.  To hold him in my arms was an inexpressible joy! The most beautiful person I have ever seen.  Made in the image of God!

A new kind of love, that of a mother for her child, hit me with great force.  It opened up new understanding of God's love for us.  But the greatest revelation did notcome until later, after Isaac died.

It is this: the love which God has for us is so great that He willingly sent His Son to die for us.  That is the greatest blessing of them all.

It is a good thing for us that I am not God, because I would not choose on my own for my son to die in someone's place.  God called Isaac from me, and made my heart willing.

It was one thing to give the opportunity of life to someone else, once God had taken him.  But I would not have given Isaac to the surgeons to give his organs to someone else, if he had not already died.

Yet this is the great love of God!  That He did not spare His only Son, but gave Him up as a ransom for many!

I do not understand why God numbered Isaac's days so few and it hurts very much, but even through his death, God has blessed us.  He has sustained us mightily by His grace.  Not only do we have to deal with the pain of death, but also the pain of investigation and unjust accusations. But yet God is still with us, keeping us from the point of no return. Sometimes we are clinging with only a fingernail.  Sometimes we look around at our situation, panic, and start sinking.  But then Jesus turns our faces back to His and lifts us up.  He has opened our hearts to see our dependence on Him, and has softened them to His will.  God also comforts us with His word.  Many scriptures come to mind, or are brought to us, that fit our circumstances exactly.

I have many questions that may never be answered, but God is blessing us still. He is good and He is love.