As mentioned on the
GirlTalk blog, there are a what I think is a disproportionate number of men in the Sovereign Grace churches that believe the best way to show affection to other men is to make fun of them, particularly in public. (I suppose I am continuing the stereotype published by the GirlTalk blog, but perhaps I will hear from guys who also think this way)
I have talked with various guys at church who believe this, and insist that is correct, so I guess if that is the only/best way they can show affection, then I guess they should do it, since the other guys seem to understand.
My pastor did say that if that is the only way you show affection, then it is probably wrong, and if that is the only way that other people see you show affection, then it is probably wrong too.
The sad thing is, I think that is at least the majority of the "affection" I see in most guys around me, and it is becoming more and more acceptable.For those of you who think I am being too strict, or too uptight to not allow you to have some fun, I would like to challenge you to keep track of how many times your speech falls into this category:
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers versus the poking fun kind. I think you will be surprised. And I would argue that unless you are finding yourself ministering grace and edifying others the majority of the time, you need to be slower to speak.
On the positive side, now that I think about it, there are probably some guys who I haven't talked to who would see things more from my side, but I guess I have only talked to people after I have observed them making fun of someone else.
I am all for having fun, and in certain contexts, things can be said that can be quite appropriate,
but, I think we should instead be,
"speaking the truth in love",
"Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ."
I see this definition of affection as the world's teaching, and what is seen all over the place, but how much better is the bible's definition of affection:
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another."
PS. Yes, I am one of those guys who reads the GirlTalk blog, though it is aimed at women...
Posted by
Jon Daley on
November 11, 2005, 5:52 am
| Read 3910 times
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Then again, I've often watched with amazement as Porter and one of our nephews seem to enjoy physical and verbal sparring with each other that to my mind borders on cruelty, so maybe some people really do find that a form of affection. If so, I think they need to be EXTREMELY CAREFUL not to assume other people feel the same way.
By the way, this is not just a Sovereign Grace affliction. I've found it to be epidemic in the PCA as well.
I also wanted to say that I talked to one guy the other day and he said while he didn't find CJ's "make fun of other people to help them be humble" strategy all that helpful in his own life, that he did find the fundamental point that CJ was making which is to not take yourself so seriously. He said that has lessened tensions in his family when they learned that.